Damn Wookies

Race Directing is easy when your crew rocks

I am out from under my race promotion rock. That's right, the 2011 Keller Rohrback Road Race at Eatonville is in the books. Our crew (the team plus PruFam, Neal, Kirsten from Recycled and the FSA Team) rocked out and ruled. You haven't lived until you've heard my Uncle Steve doing his wall-to-wall TDF-style commentary over the race radio. Seriosuly, awesome.

I do want to address a controversy that has arisen. Does PruDog pre-ride his courses? Listen, I drive these courses in my car and I had no problem on the Ext Road-161 climb. I was able to it 60 coming into town and I even came to a full stop at the merge. So when I say punchy it's punchy. I can't be responsible for you guys only being able to maintain 350-450 watts. Seriously, do I need to make training plans for you too?

So yes, that climb didn't play out as punchy. It was FREAKIN HARD. Note taken.

Epic Collapse

No words to describe the epic collapse of our Redmond Derby adventure. What's worse? That we had 7 of the 23 riders and our best result was 10th? That we had two riders in the 8 man break? That I started the damn move and proceeded to get a brain cramp and get gapped off ad dropped after my team mate came up? Kudos to Ryan & Jim for getting up there. I stiff "fail whale" to myself for not sticking in the move and being there to cover the late attacks.

Congrats to Tony Scott for being the anti-PruDog and actually exhibiting some HTFU and winning after being solo for like 105 laps.

Pain Train

Time to bring the pain train.

Time to show us who is boss

Robert Trombley has confidently predicted that either FareStart or The Garage will take our Swagger tomorrow at Redmond Derby and show us a clean set of wheels. Over the top trash talk blogging aside, I would rather lose a hard, fast race than dominate a docile field. That's always a risk when a team starts rolling off wins like we have -- other teams get down. Nicos had a great Matava getting 2nd behind Jim. But sometimes a 2nd place feels like a bad result if you got beat by the same team over and over again.

It's not! It's a great result. And we've been rolling but we're not unbeatable. And if you need motivation what the hell is up with that obnoxious "on a bike" post? Are you gonna let us get away with that? No Way! You're gonna bring it hard and fast just like we are and it's gonna be another smash mouth show down.

Risk Blogging

My professional bloggification has another post up.

Guest Commenters

Just a reminder, I am always looking for guest bloggers willing to help keep the level of humor up. Cycling's hard so we might as well be able to joke about it.

Thanks

A quick break from (tongue in cheek) snark and boasting to thank everyone for their help and support for P-Puppy. He hit the deck hard on the last lap of Matava and broke his arm and helmet. He's ok and in great spirits. I want to especially thank SCCA/SBUX Ed for triaging the scene and literally holding Aidan while the medics and I jogged over. Thanks to the medics for being so on it. Thanks to Highline Medical for not sucking. And thanks to everyone for calling, facebooking and otherwise caring. And a special thanks to Max for offering to come out and give him a pep talk. That was really cool. For all the smack talk and bitching the community is pretty awesome. Thanks guys.

Now don't let anyone know I actually like everyone.

Also, if anyone knows which kid Aidan got tangled with let him (the other kid) know it wasn't his fault. Aidan certainly doesn't think so or blame him in anyway. It happens; it's bike racing.

Movies I've Seen

I think I saw more movies in the last 90 days than I have in the last 3 years. In case you care here's my stack ranked order of awesome and quickie reviews:

1. X-Men: First Class - great especially if you judge it based on the information given in movie. Yes, Magneto is the hero and Prof. X is kind of an ass-hole. Everyone complaining that the end leaves us with a very white, male X-Men and a diverse Brotherhood misses the point. The X-Men can preach peace and co-existence with humans because they can hide their mutancy.

2. Bridesmaids - shocked and stunned by how much I liked it. Very much like the hang-over but more real. Dissenting opinion from Mrs. Darth Tubbs who was disturbed and shocked by the gutter humor. Keep in mind, she is way classier than I am.

3. Thor - I saw this one three times. Kicked ass. And Mrs. PruDog liked it too! No word from Mrs. Darth Tubbs. What does it say about me that I thought Loki had a legitate gripe, even if he was a complete nutjob by the end.

4. Green Lantern - good, not great. Certainly better than any of the Transformers movies. I think this one suffers from too many people bringing too much baggage to it.

5. Battlefield LA - great man-date material. I learned that when it hits the fan, all you need is Harvey Dent and some kick-ass marines. Thank god the aliens forgot how to hide behind stuff about 2/3rds of the way in.

6. Transformers 3 sucked. I understand that Michael Bay objectifies everything but my god man. You are a Grade A asshole. My respect for Megan Fox actually went up after she left the movie over his desire to tart her up more than she was comfortable with. MEGAN FOX. Seriously.

Killer Rohrbot Island Blogging

Are you beginning to feel like Samuel L. Jackson every time Keller Rohrback p/b Pain Train? Did you just have your awesome plan to jack out lead out up by attacking us from the gun jumped by our guys jumping first? And then relentlessly attacking only to start the lead-out with 5 laps to go?

Well, Haters Gonna Hate yo and we have only one (way over the top and inappropriate)response:

Oh shit, get your wheels ready
It's about to go down
Everybody in the place hit the fucking start line
But stay on your motherfucking toes
We attacking this, let's go

I'm on a bike, I'm on a bike
Everybody look at me
'Cause I'm sprinting on a bike
I'm on a bike, I'm on a bike
Take a good hard look
At the motherfucking sprint

I'm on a bike motherfucker, take a look at me
Straight flowing on a bike on the criterium
Busting thrity five, wind whipping out my shorts
You can't stop me motherfucker, 'cause I'm on a bike

Take a picture, trick, I'm on a bike, bitch
We drinking Heed champ 'cause it's so crisp
I got my bibs on and my cleaty-kloppies
I'm flipping corners, you at the back
Straight flipping droppies

I'm riding on a bike, doing sprints and shit
This bike's flying, getting everybody all wet
But this ain't Seward, this is real as it gets
We won this crit, motherfucker, don't you ever forget

I'm on a bike and
it's going fast and
I got a green theme, including tires and
We're the kings of the crits, kinda loud like Cipo
If you're got second, then you're sure not us, oh
Get the fuck up, these crits is real

Fuck running, I'm on a bike, motherfucker
Fuck swimming, I rock crits, motherfucker
I'm on the leadout with my boys, motherfucker
This team's engines make noise, motherfucker

Hey ma, if you could see me now
Arms spread wide on the finish line
Gonna fly this bike to the moon somehow
Like Kevin Garnett, anything is possible

Yeah, never thought I'd win a crit
It's a short fast bike race
Sean Kelly, look at me, oh, all hands on deck
Never thought I'd see the day
When a leadout coming my way
Believe me when I say we owned that bike race

I'm on a bike, I'm on a bike
Everybody look at me
'Cause I'm sprinting on a bike
I'm on a bike, I'm on a bike
Take a good hard look
At my rear wheel

Of course the proper response is to get angry and come out swinging this weekend at Redmond Derby. Maybe have your team watch this video as motivation?



All right, that's out of my system.