The Shat

A little elitist space ship captains laughing at the real America from this socialist blogger (h/t yglesias)

But he had cancer!

Contador calls out Lance. Finally, the smack down between survivors of brain aneurisms and cancer can begin.

My 40th

Here's what I plan to be doing on (or around) my 40th.

Head in the Game

Pru-Puppy threw down about 2 months worth of allowance to get himself some brand new pearl Sidi's (thanks to the discount bin at Recycled). So he rolled yesterday clipless for the first time. As we came home he went full Cav, realized he wasn't out of the clips and crashed into the neighbors garage.

I rolled up to check on him and was greeted with a dirty boy smiling who said "I still won".

The Man

DiLuca stands up against the man. Clearly, the man is innocent because it would be stupid to dope right?

Bastardo of the Day

Me!

For forgetting to bring the tool kit to work and riding home with my seat tilted back, my saddle too low and no way to adjust!

PruDog, you no longer to Exist in my own mind.

Laurent Fignon Body Double, why do you hate me?

So LFBD has been identified as uber-stud Mark Pringle.

Apparently he rolls full 80's gear so that some unknowing git will mock him and he can unleash his inner animal so he can destroy me. Cause that's who ends up destroyed! The question is what the hell did I ever do to him? Sounds like maybe Mick pissed him off at the Milk Race and he's taking it out on me...

Anyway, don't laugh at Pringle. Please don't....

Ouch

A little late I know, but Jens Voight's crash was the road version of Mrs. PDog's crash the last day we were at SteamBoat Springs last year... except Mrs. PDog decided to walk an extra mile to add to the epic.

Nice try Jens! But it's still Mrs. PDog 2 Voight 1.

Thanks for nothing!

Sunday was my second time doing the Byrne's World Championship ride. I am well aware that this is a race from Gene Coulan Park on so I came into it planning to sit in for the forst hour.

That was spectacularly unsuccesfull. Laurent Fignon body double showed up complete with long hair, 1st Rate Mortgage Skinsuit and no helmet. Now, Plenty of people try to pull off one of those looks. Rarely do you see the hat trick.

Maybe he does it so people will laugh at him and then he can take the anger and kill it. Cause that's what he did, causing splits that just never came back together.

I managed to bridge over (why am I bridging in the first 45 minutes of a training ride????) in time to get pummeled for another 45 minutes or so and finally gave up about 3/4 of the way around Mercer.

Of course the kick in the nutz was the LFBD pulled off at the McDonald hill interchange. Thanks for nothing! Just remember people, when you ride hard the only person you hurt is me.

And they ate it up...

Shorter Bruyneel: sure we put 4 guys on the front and rode hard for about 70K, as you could tell by the live hrm & wattage data on versus. And Columbia only started chasing with 5K to go. But since you all are really Stupid and Stapleton hates Vaughters anyway you will now reprint my claim that we didn't chase and it was all Garmins fualt. Suckaaaa!

Seriously, tactics aside maybe Garmin did or didn't add a little horse power to the final chase to screw with Columbia (and frankly given Stapleton and Cav's contstant jabbing of them I'd call that STF if you can't take the payback) but I'd be upset at the team that chased (tempo my ass) me for from 90K in to 30K to go.

Nice!

Glad to see that Lance is still the same classy dude he's always been! Can't George in yellow after all.

PruPuppy to Cav: Watch your back

PruPuppy's bike now has 3 speeds of power and he wants Cav to know: I am getting better everyday and I am coming for you Mr. ManxMissile. You've been warned!

Bastardo of The Day

The curb that viciously attacked Levi.

French curb, you no longer to exist in my mind.

Where's the love

I blog and I blog but the hits don't come.

Maybe I need to start on The Tweeterbook or whatever the kids these days use.

Bastardo of The Day

Cav you are a bastardo:

"For sure I’m going to get arsy at some riders, because, you know, I’m an asshole," said Cavendish. "But it’s irrelevant their nationality, and irrelevant what they look like, or where they come from. Because, like I said, I’m an asshole.

But I mean that in a good way!

You always will exist to my mind!

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

via Yglesias we male cyclists are finally getting something for our hard work: discount hookers.

Outkast

I couldn't help but notice that the Sherwin-Liggett tandem forgot a certain verboten rider when listing the Irish professionals of years past.

Wonder why that is.*

*Re-reading the anti-Kimmage it reminds me of this insightful Onion report.

Bastardos of the Day

The Versus guy who wrote the ad copy for their "Strong Survive" ad.

The theory of Evolution doesn't say "only the strong shall survive" and the cliche is "survival of the fittest". Fit does not equal strong you idiot. Jeebus.

And I don't think underdog means what you think it means, unless winning 7 Tours and being one of the Top 3 Alpha males in cycling ever makes Lance Armstron an underdog.

Versus Guy, you no longer to exist in my mind!

Update I: Looks like I touched a nerve. From long time reader first time debater Badboy

yes, it does. And Lance Armstrong was not only an underdog before he was famous, but also he was fighting cancer you stupid fuck.

Wow, that's some serious rhetorical skillz

Tour Live Bloggin'

6:18 PST Good Morning sunshines! I almost missed the start this morning cause I was busy checking out that fat farm Andrew thinks I should go to. Screw you Andrew!

6:19 PST My team manager was whining this morning about us not having radios. He wanted my cell number but hell no. I got blogging to do. Hey Jacques! You want to send orders via technology post in comments like everyone else.

6:21 PST If we are going old skool can we get some pastries and wine on rout as well? Just asking.....

6:28 PST David Millar keeps rolling up to everyone telling them how ridiculously light his shes are. So today I decided to ride without shoes; I just got some gorilla glue and bonded my socks to my pedals. Not as comfortable as I thought....

6:32 PST In honor of Bastille Day I packed nothing but cheese in my jersey. Unfortunately I just realized I am vegan. This could be tough... maybe one of the French riders will trade me for a Clif Bar....

6:26 PST Ha. Everyone is supposed to have a team mate up front but they forgot we were even here! Our plan to ride the Tour without anyone noticing is nearly complete.

6:52 PST With all this talk about Lance v. Al I think people forget about the German Powerhouse Klodie. Pro tip, that guy is going to win big this year!

6:58 PST Little known fact! Cav is really into cross dressing and spent the rest day at a cabaret party. I'm tipping Farrar to win. Dude doesn't waste any energy. Hell, he even has a personal assistant to take his cell phone out of his pocket...

7:09 PST Most people don't know that Thor Hushvold actually has a life sized mjolnir replica in his jersey pocket.

7:19 PST You know, it's just not the same without the DS yelling "more speed" every 2 seconds.

7:25 PST KAA looks like he broke his collarbone. Riding Le Tour is about pain. I am riding with a hang nail but am determined to tough it out.

7:30 PST FYI, when versus goes to break we keep riding.

7:42 PST Oh crap, I just realized that I have to take Rudy to Doggy Style for a haircut... if we keep strolling at this tourist pace I won't make it in time... better go tell Lance that Alberto just attacked and is up the road....

7:52 PST I just asked the guys if we could just call the race and give it to Farrar but Cav told me to go suck on a patato.... god I can't quit the tour to get my Dog to a haircut can I? That won't look good when it's time for a new contract....

7:54 PST Cav just told me if I wanted to do errands like a Masters rider I should go race with the Masters riders. I actually hadn't thought about that.. why am I at the Tour????? I could be racing with 40+ guys at Silvana in a few weeks....

8:04 PST It looks like that's it for me fans. I am sorry I let you down. But the pro dream is over. And Rudy looks like a DFH. It was a tough call and I was really thinking I could loose the 40lbs I need to be competitive in the Pyrenes but that's how life rolls. So I am going to pull over and jack a car so I can get home ASAP!

iPhone to the rescue

I know that many of you don't realize that I am currently racing the Tour for the Gin Optics team. We got a wild card but don't talk about it much cause I don't want Andrew & his WoWzers to feel bad.

Anyway, I will be live blogging during tomorrows stage if it doesn't rain. Stallion said he will hold my handlebars for me so I can type the difficult words....

Add climb and mix

PruDog is in your house and ready to steal your wares! That's right, it's my 179th comeback! I rolled out and did hill repeats up Alder. Which Vs. tells me is Most Epic Climb. Ever.

That's 2 days of massive (I said MASSIVE) climbing in 72 hours.

Watch yourselves peloton. Especially you bSnyder!

Bastardo of The Day

George Hincapie.

George, you no longer to exist in my mind!

Letters to the Editor

Dear PruDog,

Wow it was great to see you out at PR the other night. You looked really skinny and strong. You took some great pulls and maybe even grew 12-18 inches? That other dude on your team who rode at the back all night needs to lose like 50lbs though.

~ Downtown

That was me at the back you jerk.

Dear PruDog,

Did you see how I sxxxied the sprint? I looked damn good in my IJM livery. In fact, I posted a note in every blog I could about how awesome I was.

~ Bsnyde

I couldn't tell cause I was too busy watching Russell & Andrew getting the hump from Holmes' sweet swing off in the finish.

Dear Prudog,

I am back in town but didn't tell you because I heard you were fat and I don't want to catch any of your fatty dna.

~El Gatto

Sadly, that's probably a good move on your part. Did I mention I rode 4 hours yesterday?

Who are you and what did you do with Lance Armstrong

First Lance apologized to Carlos Sastre & VDV. Now he's making amends with Frankie Andreu. Add to that the interview today were he intimated that the move on Stage 3 wasn't about getting time on Contador as much as some tough love to get Contador to listen to him and I am starting to worry that my least favorite pro rider may be trying to be a better person.

Astana-ished...

Well, not really...the "same" team that's won the TTT 4 years running. Maybe they really are that good. Maybe Johann has the secret "ingredient" to the TTT. Maybe Lance really is clean. Maybe I'm exceedingly jaded about pro cycling, especially Le Tour. Maybe all the f-ers that have doped have sucked the marrow out of the soul of the most beautiful sporting event in the world for me, forever. MAYBE Astana gets Le Boot out of Le Tour Festina-style in, I don't know, maybe 3-5 days?

Will Richard Virenque's scrawny ass be vindicated then...maybe?

Don't call it a comeback

Cause the tatoo of Lance that Phil & Paul had done ain't ever coming off.

And man, BBox did not Sexy the TTT.

Prediction

Fabulous Fabian wants to be sexing the TTT but will be crushed by Team Lance (tm).

Ooh Ooh pick me

Why did Palin resign? Well I suspect K-Lo is right and it's some personal indistcretion (although it's is pretty awesome how this is always someone else's fault but I digress...). Here are my educated guesses:

1st Douche Todd banging some chick and/or dude
Mini-Sarah preggers again
Finally got the proof that Trig is not the emaculate conception Palin likes to pretend he is.

Ichiro to 3rd in the order

I keep hearing people suggesting Ichiro get moved to 3rd in the order... I suspect his tendency to get hits off infield hits he can run out that might be fielders choices if there were 2 on base might have something to do with it.

Thinking Strategically & UCI

I hope that Thomas Dekker's positive test for EPO was the result of indications that he is doping now and retesting the old samples was just a back door way of nailing him.

That's how I originally read the article but upon rereading I am not so sure:

"The UCI's request is based on two elements of evidence collected within the biological passport programme: Mr Dekker's haematological profile and a laboratory report indicating the detection of recombinant EPO in a urine sample.

"According to a panel of scientific experts, the haematological profile established from blood samples collected from Mr Dekker in 2008 and 2009 demonstrates convincing evidence of the use of the prohibited method of enhancement of oxygen transfer."

It was that suspicion of blood doping that prompted the UCI to have new tests on Dekker's 2007 urine sample.

The 24-year-old Dekker, who was slated to arrive in Monaco on Wednesday for Saturday's opening stage of the Tour, will be replaced on the Silence-Lotto roster by British rider Charley Wigelius.

Team manager Marc Sergeant was quick to point out that the alleged violation did not occur while Dekker was a member of the Silence-Lotto team.

"I am sorry this happened, of course," said Sergeant, "It's important to remember that this occurred when he was a member of Rabobank, but it still doesn't make the news any less disappointing."

Now Sergeant has every reason to try to deflect any responsibility onto Rabobank by trying to parse words. But if the samples examined by the UCI indicated blood doping in 2008 & 2009 then, in fact, the violation was on Lotto's watch.

On the otherhand, the UCI's statement could also mean that suspision was raised because 2007 tests showed significantly different results from 2008 & 2009. IOW, it's unclear whether the UCI is saying the current results indicated blood doping now or current results indicated he was clean now but had doped in the past.

If it is the later, then they have just created a perverse insentive to stay juiced.