I want my lunch money back

Case Number: VT 03/12/11/SR01

Incident: Bicycle Race Theft

Reporting Officer: Constable Michael Pruitt Date of Report: 12 March 2011

At about 1700 hours on 12th March 2011, I met with the Keller Rohrback Masters Cycling on the Kingston Ferry regarding a bicycle race theft. Members of the team said they parked the race in Sequim around 1500 hours to daydream about victory and how they where going to school the Garage and Audi team. They said that when they returned to the race at about 1501 hours, they discovered it was over as a Mr. David Hill and a Mr. Chandler Leach had "gone up the road".

They described the race as mostly flat and windy, with the Audi team marking Keller Rohrback previously in the race and the Garage being very aggressive. They also noted that Masters Races have a tendency to shut down once a break establishes and as a result they knew they were "gonna get clowned now".

The team told me that it will take a while for them to get over their whinny ass complaining but now that they "know how it's gonna be" their going to "nut up" and show those other boys how Keller Rohrback rolls. One rider mentioned this involves begging something called a "Velez" to ride with them next week. Apparently it is similar to a wild, uncontrolled pit-bull and the team is confident it will result in "a brutal beat down".

I conducted a survey of the crime scene but found the crushed ego of Mr. PruDog and quite a bit of something called "legs" left on the course by Mr. Hainsworth. This was everywhere and appears to have been dropped throughout the race.

I obtained a sworn statement from the team and provided them with the case number and Information Leaflet 99/07 ("What to do when your race is stolen"). I entered the race into the station database as a stolen bicycle race.