Get Off My Lawn

Get Off My Lawn by Fake Martin Criminale

I am so tried of all the young 35-40 year old kids who show up to PR now and think they own the place. Who the hell do you think you kids are? I am Martin M*&^%$#%&ing Criminale and I am sick and tired of all these m*&^%$&()ing kinds in the m&^%$#*))ing race. I mean, I was racing this thing in the Masters back when most of them were baby racers. Take Pruitt. Was he racing Masters in 1999? No way. He was riding stupid NRC crap like Willamette. The stupid postal team hadn't even gotten jacked up on the juice yet. That's how lame he was. And Perlman? Rumor has it he spent every day shopping for Mountain Dew, Kelabasa and begging Douglas to get them bikes with seat tubes. Shall I go on? The only one I respect is Hainsworth and he doesn't even race PR. And now these young guns have the SCCA/SBUX riders all jazzed too. It makes me sick to see what my beloved PR has come to. These new kids just have no values, not like Old Town. Those guys know how to ride a Masters race. You chase guys, miss breaks and whatever you do finish ahead of your teammates.

So to all the under-my age riders out there I say: Get Off My Lawn.