Unicorns are Suck

Editors Notes: The following response to the recent column, Unicorns are Awesome, was submitted by an enraged Stanglsheen after his victory at Independence Valley.

Unicorns are Suck by James Stanglsheen

Recently, a team-mate of mine wrote some crap about Unicorns being awesome. I initially thought the article was about Unicron. I was very excited to read about the world destroyer who, along with Galactus and myself, make up the trinity of destructive power that dominates the universe. Instead I was subjected to many words about one of the saddest most pathetic creatures known to young girls. Unicorns. This "team-mate" has been slacking all year. While I was putting in 27 hours of interval work every day followed by rowing and some yoga (shut up!) he was at home enjoying is warm house and kind wife. In an attempt to motivate his sorry ass I warned my team-mate that I was coming for him. Apparently his response is to go on some lame-ass quest for Unicorns.

I've had enough and will vent my violent hatred on every race he is in. That is all.