I've never been gone
I apologize for my lack of Masters racing trash talking. I really got nothing cause there are only so many times I can claim I am going to personally make everyone cry before I get bored and want to race. Plus, I may not make you cry and then I just look silly. My skillset is more along the lines of mocking everyone (including me!) for the stupid stuff we do in bike races.
Nevertheless I will do my best:
Greetings, Master's Cycling. I.. am... PruDog. Don't bother flicking your infernal keyboards, I've taken over your intertubes. Now, I trust you're all comfy on your tacky sofas from 'rooms to go', lots of nibbles close at hand. Well, tuck in and why not smoke between gobbles. Yes, go for the gusto, Masters Cyclists. Live like there's no tomorrow because as far as you squalored lot are concerned there very much isn't. Behold, the instrument of your doom...(scene cuts away to show a massive, ominous looking Keller Rohrback Masters squad and then cuts back) I call us.. the Annihilatrixes! and when we are completed, a million gigatons of thrust will propel our bikes directly into the Sun... so look upon my work ye mighty and despair..
Was that over the top? I can never tell.