Thursday, May 26, 2011

Seward Park, you are a fickle mistress

Tonight I ride Seward Park and get my Samuel L on... (Seward Park being the song...)


Dawson´s Creek - MTV Movie Awards 1998/1999 - MyVideo

Social Conscious Blogging

PruDog says go ride for a good cause and join the Erickson's to support the Davis Phinney foundation.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Call Me Curveball

The KR Masters squad threw you a curve last night by ditching the Masters race and rolling 1/2/3 at PR. We may have forgotten to tell Trish, who looked none-to-pleased by herself. Sorry! Our bad.

And that's how we're rolling the rest of the year so throw down amongst yourselves we've got some fish to fry. Now that we're rolling back with the 1/2/3's we feel I feel a gratuitious Lonely Island video coming..

Monday, May 23, 2011

Jamie should be in bed, avoids crashing instead

Why isn't Jamie resting? This is also why Grant can't have nice things.

$200 Prime gone wrong - Pro / 1/ 2 in Enumclaw Crit 2011 Crash from RideITLikeUstoleIT!!! on Vimeo.

Rested, Recovered and Ready to roll

That's right. Up until now I have been soft pedalling to prevent running too hot before crit season starts. Well guess what's starting? That's right! Crit season. That means it's really game on this time.

This is Holt S&^t Stuff

I race a bike and have had no illusions about the drug culture in sports. At the end of the day Lance is one dude but the UCI us a big deal:

"60 Minutes" obtained a letter from USADA in which the Swiss lab which tested Armstrong at the 2001 Tour de Suisse considered Armstrong's sample "suspicious" and "consistent with EPO use". The CBS news program learned that the director of the Swiss lab had met with both Lance Armstrong and team director Johan Bruyneel concerning the test from the Tour de Suisse.

The Swiss lab director has since given a sworn statement to the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI). "60 Minutes" has learned that the lab director testified that a representative of the UCI wanted the matter of the suspicious test to go no further. The lab director also testified that the meeting between himself, Bruyneel and Armstrong was arranged by the UCI.


Burn it to the ground.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Get Off My Lawn



Get Off My Lawn by Fake Martin Criminale

I am so tried of all the young 35-40 year old kids who show up to PR now and think they own the place. Who the hell do you think you kids are? I am Martin M*&^%$#%&ing Criminale and I am sick and tired of all these m*&^%$&()ing kinds in the m&^%$#*))ing race. I mean, I was racing this thing in the Masters back when most of them were baby racers. Take Pruitt. Was he racing Masters in 1999? No way. He was riding stupid NRC crap like Willamette. The stupid postal team hadn't even gotten jacked up on the juice yet. That's how lame he was. And Perlman? Rumor has it he spent every day shopping for Mountain Dew, Kelabasa and begging Douglas to get them bikes with seat tubes. Shall I go on? The only one I respect is Hainsworth and he doesn't even race PR. And now these young guns have the SCCA/SBUX riders all jazzed too. It makes me sick to see what my beloved PR has come to. These new kids just have no values, not like Old Town. Those guys know how to ride a Masters race. You chase guys, miss breaks and whatever you do finish ahead of your teammates.

So to all the under-my age riders out there I say: Get Off My Lawn.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Robbed

I just saw the official BuDu Racing results giving big Jim "White Dynamite" Flynn the Masters PR win. I call foul! This finish line photo clearly shows my toe hitting the line before his front tire. I even posted up in celebration. What kind of junk show are they running down there. I was so good I didn't even bother to use my bike.



My protest is in the mail. Also, go check out (and better yet buy) some photos of yourself here.

This Blog Won't Write Itself

Busy. Sorry. Watch a video instead.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Guest Blogger

Blogging quality and quantity has fallen off the last month thanks to my being busy at work, everyone getting blood diseases that require hospitalization and your general unwillingness to do mock-worthy stuff. Lame!

Because I feel like I've truly let you all down I hereby proclaim this guest blogger week. Wanna be a contributor on this stupid blog? Let me know. If you are on OTB and wanna use it to take shots at me I am 99% sure you'll be approved. Hell, I'll probably give you help.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Keller Rohrbach Haka

Ryan suggests we take our pre-race Swagger to the next level.

Comments

Apparently comments are disappearifying. Not my doing! I for one welcome your inane and stupid comments written by your pet monkeys. I can even see all the comments in the backend.

So whatever Intertron Gremlin is eating your brilliant prose you'll have to take it up with him/her. I am too lazy to figure it out.

Thirty Minute Crits Suck

I love the Wenatchee course and definitely wanted to win. Sadly, my legs didn't agree and I lacked that little bit of pop I needed to get over to the winning move. So close, yet so far.

On the other hand the team won! So we've taken both Masters A crits this year. Ronnie put in a savvy move about 15 minutes in and ended up away for a few laps with Nikos before the breaks swelled to 6. Then he won cause Montana guys apparently think that just cause you pull super hard everyone is gonna let you win.

The race was so short that I think the entire team just felt.. well unfulfilled. We were active, but we just never got all our guns going until the last lap and then it was over. Then the rain started and crashes in the womens and Cat 3's convinced most of us to bail on the 1/2 Crit. Mike & Ryan started but quickly decided it wasn't worth it. Next year I am doing the TT and a better warm-up. I didn't realize I'd need to wear myself out before the race just to feel good about it.

I am Epic Win

Corner 3 again, Lap 6. After watching everyone fall off this guy decides to show them how to keep upright. Epic Win. Watch rider 2.

video

Crash Videos are so wrong

but I'm posting anyway.

Here's the Cat 3 race crashing on corner 3 lap 6. Happens quick and shoots uphill. Watch the paint line boys.

video

Friday, May 13, 2011

PruDog Blog PR Point : Counterpoint

Point: KR is gonna smack SCCA/SBUX up


That's it. Sean Phillip's and SCCA / SBUX think they can make snarky comments on my blog and get away with it? Oh, no, my friend, that's not gonna fly with me or Keller Rohrback. Those m^&%$##%^&r's are going down, man. Down! Running their mouths off like a little b&^%$es. The f*&^ do they think they are, anyway? SCCA / SBUX need to get their smug little asses owned in the sprint right now, and I don't give a s&*^ which course.. the flats, the hill or in the parking lot in front of his whole f(*&*&g Masters field. Give us 50 minutes, man. We'll teach them to mess with Keller Rohrback.

Enough talk. SCCA/SBUX better watch out, because we're coming, and it's not going to be pretty


Counter-point: Apparently Sean Phillips is stronger than I realized



Well, it appears as though I was somewhat presumptuous about Sean Phillip's winning abilities. Sean, as it turns out, is actually quite an adept last minute attacker, in fact, that while he was snapping my legs with various left and right strokes on the pedals, and pain began to fill my mouth and gush from my nose, I thought to myself, "Sean knows exactly what he's doing here in terms of cycling, whereas I clearly haven't thought this thing through."

I guess my first mistake was attacking a team that, in the interests of full disclosure, is much stronger than I initially gave credit for. I wouldn't be surprised if they all ride 3-4 hours five or six times a week and are enrolled in some sort of cross fit class too. This would certainly explain why he seemed to expend very little energy riding by me, and why he effortlessly put me in hurt locker that caused my morale to make a popping sound that, until that moment, I didn't know it could make.

So, in sum, Sean, you are very good at winning. So good in fact that I was not even close to achieving my initial goal of teaching you a lesson when it comes to messing with Keller Rohrback. If anything, I learned never to mess with Sean, which is a lesson I will not soon forget.

(Shamelessly stolen from the Onion)

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

PruDog Blog Taxonomy

In an effort to help you understand this crappy blog here are some technical terms we use. More to add as time goes on.

Hard Candy - tactical advise given out in a less than sensitive manner

Soft Candy - Tactical kudos given out to a team or rider that had their sh*t together

Drank Our Milkshake - Won the race in a savvy or impressive manner.

No Longer To Exist In My Mind - epitaphs to riders or teams that have annoyed us (often by just riding better). coined by Gilberto Simoni referring to Evan Basso

We rode your pony, but in the end Sean drank our milkshake

As promised KR brought the pain train last night with relentless aggression. It may have seemed like the PruDog was on fire (and he was) but the whole team rolled up their sleeves and got to work.

Yesterday I said we were going to ride your ponies. Well, we did. And it would have worked to if not for that meddling Sean Phillips kid who took advantage of the break getting caught with about 1K to go and Martin Criminale's mammoth effort to come right through us to launch himself right out of the lollipop. I tried to get on, but as soon as I did a bunch of dudes where on me so I let him go and wooshhh... he drank our milkshake.

And is you know, when Sean wants to drink your milkshake you give him the damn milkshake.

Monday, May 09, 2011

We're gonna ride your pony



The bad news is that we didn't win Ravensdale. That sucked. The good news is we were aggressive and got our swagger back. And after two weeks of being 60% of the PruDog you all know and love/hate my legs have recovered from my early season break and I am back to my ragefilled attacking self.

So be forwarned Masters -- KR is going to ride your ponies all night long and if you guys are aggresive to we're just going to be even more aggresive. Cause that's how we roll. In fact, I am attacking right now.

Who are you? KR vs. Apex Edition



We told you we'd attack Ravensdale and we did! While 5th place wasn't the result we wanted we were aggresive and that's how we like it. Having said that, there were a few times were guys got upset because they thought we had 5 guys in the break and not three like we did.

As a public service announcement I'd like to make clear that KR is not Apex or Avante. I realize all three have green in the kit but there are a few ways to tell us apart.

1. Our jerseys say KR. Apex has a big A and says Apex. Note than none of the letters are the same. The Apex logo is in a tear drop/swoosh thing. It's actually pretty easy to see.

2. If you see a green jersey in a break and a green jersey chasing then it's a safe bet that it's a KR rider up the road (see pic) and an Apex rider chasing.

3. If you are in a break and two green jerseys are working and three green jerseys are sitting on... the guys driving are KR. The guys sitting in are Apex.

See, easy to tell apart.

Friday, May 06, 2011

Much Inspirational

Seeing Ian dominate the commute to work the way he dominates you at Seward is much inspirational and reminds me of Leroy.

Thursday, May 05, 2011

Swagger: Give It Back

After a Swaggerific March and early April I feel that the Killer Rohrbots have gotten complacent. Everyone is riding hard and it's easy to sit on the couch and enjoy the ride. But I say to thee NAY!!!!!! By the might of Mjolnir this must not stand. As Fake Robert Velez has proclaimed we must smack you all up! It doesn't matter how much emotional & physical damage we inflict on our own fragile psyches. It's time. It's on. Like Megatron. Not Donkey Kong, I hate that game.

My goal is no longer to win Ravensdale. It is to attack so hard that even Old Town won't chase. Now, you know that you want to attack too. So get on my pain train!

Also, fake Robert Velez said you are all slow and need to ride even harder.

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Ravensdale: PR just longer

And that's how I am gonna race. So, yah, probably attacking at the start even if it's neutral. Also Charlie Sheen vs. Deadpool FTW.

There's a little bit of Leroy in all of us.

Tuesday World's was fun. No we didn't win. In fact I think we got shut out of the top 10 for the first time this year in any race. But, you know, that's cause you guys are riding hard. I thought Old Town rode really well despite coming up empty handed so only hard candy for them today. Kudo's to Tom Corke who's riding alone and been nibbling at the edges and finally got the big W. Mirante surprised us all by going uphill fast after putting in some digs. And special call-out to Sean Phillips who road the front quite a bit and still took a prime and rode well.

Of course I would be remiss if I didn't note that, once again, the 1/2/3 field couldn't hold off our hate fueled speed. Except Karl who, unlike Ian, has proved he is an all-around weekday world champion.

Update: I have been informed it's Tony Corke not Tom Corke. Listen, it's my blog and I'll call people whatever I want. I don't even bother getting my own team-mates names right. Right?

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

Super Secrets of Panther Squad Revealed

Here's an exclusive peak into our tactics tonight at PR: we're gonna attack. Shocking, I know.

Monday, May 02, 2011

Long days and light blogging

Not sure why Longbranch turned into an all day event (well, maybe it was cause we went to O'Callahans and watched Brian get pwnd by the waitress) but it did. When I got home Mrs. PruDog had this stressed out stare and I quickly realized PruPuppy 2.0 was wound like a top and slowly driving mom insane. So better things to do that entertain you guys.

Short summary of the weekend though -- we hoped for better at Longbranch but in the end got 10th with Velez. The reality is this course doesn't suit us well so that was an objectively good result. The race played out more or less as we expected and was even won by my pre-race favorite Michael Emde. Subjectively though, it's hard to accept that we had limited options and those were all low percentage. Next time you ask why we aren't at a hilly race.. well that's why!

Also kudo's to OTB. I am fully aware of the love/hate target I have on my back but (as I've said) I actually like most of the guys and I wouldn't even bother handing out hard candy if I didn't think a few of their riders weren't better than their results. You guys put on a great race, as always, and I love that course even if it doesn't love me back.